All Sky
Posted on April 7, 2008
Filed Under marriage, kids, parenting, suburban joys, snark, bat-ass crazy, bitching and moaning, apology |
Cathy Ladman is apparently funny. Who knew? I guess I’ve been living under a mossy rock for the past ten years because, until I googled her, I had no idea what I’d been missing. After reading the following quote attributed to Ladman: “Marriage is very difficult. Marriage is like a 5,000-piece jigsaw puzzle – all sky,” I wasn’t sure whether to laugh or cry but the relief that someone else could nail the complexity of the thing in two short sentences made me feel inexplicably better.
Now that I’ve watched this clip of her stand-up routine, I feel quite sure I will become a Cathy Ladman stalker. Despite the fact that she is 51 and I am 34 and she is Jewish and I am not and she lives in New York and is married to a man and I live outside of Boston and am also married to a man, I’m pretty damn convinced that she and I are soul mates. I think we could be really, really happy together, that she is someone that could make me laugh and I am someone who could, well, chuckle enthusiastically thus improving her timing and delivery. I’m not sure what she’d get out of the deal but I know that just being in her space for half a minute would really perk me up. And if it doesn’t stop raining here I just might call Amtrak and schedule my trip to NYC because I could use a little comedic levity right about now.
I just want to issue a public apology. Mother Nature if you were in anyway offended by my suggestion that you might wear tennis skirts and that I might be able to kick your ass, I am truly, truly contrite and hoping you can forgive me my hubris and quick temper. Three fucking weekends of rain in a row feels like more than appropriate punishment for having made such a thoughtless and cavalier statement. So please, please don’t feel you have to continue the torture. I can’t be responsible for my actions should next Saturday dawn all dreary and damp and unseasonably raw. Have mercy. I have two small children who should not be made to suffer through another housebound weekend with their bat-ass crazy mother who has taken to cleaning the toothbrush holder with Q-tips out of sheer boredom and ennui.
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9 Responses to “All Sky”
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heh. you’ve totally pissed off nature.
only you could totally piss off nature.
I love her! I’m laughing out loud in my quiet house.
Sorry about the weather. If Mother Nature were a man, you’d have a few more persuasive powers at your disposal. Any chance Mother Nature likes chicks?
I just don’t know how you do it Cce… You are my Cathy Ladman. Consider yourself stalked. Instead of going to equally dreary New York, come down to ‘I’m frying in my pants and it is only early April weather’ in Texas. 85 degrees yesterday, impossibly sunny, impossibly blue skied, mosquitoes - true (but I’ve got repellent) and I’ll give you all the well-timed chuckles you need. Did I mention I have a tennis court?
What are you waiting for?
Oh! I forgot to mention that I also have a nice lady who cleans all my toothbrush holders. That is all she does around here. You can safely relinquish the job to her dear.
Jen, I know, I know. How do I manage?
Jennifer H, if only Mother Nature were a guy I’m quite sure we’d be all cozied up and I’d be giving him a foot rub. Or worse. Anything to get a little Spring going around here.
Milena, be careful with invitations like that. Warm weather, a tennis court, a nice lady to clean the tooth brush holders? How do I become you?
The tennis court was of course a fib but I do have a nice pool… does that count at all? Also, country club membership… the courts are beautiful there… As to how to become me - well, that was luck of the draw. I was born to my parents and somehow, I became ME. I saw the lady’s skit. She’s great. Thanks for sharing.
You are funny….but then we already knew that.
Hey did you know I am looking for you on reunion.com? Don’t tell mother nature though, uppity bitch.
That.was.hilarious! PTAARP, lol. And the macaroni/dishwasher facial. Too funny!
have you tried the running skirts?? i am madly in love with new balance’s array. (that’s random, but i bet mother nature would like one)