Fish nets and cleavage for the third grade
Posted on October 31, 2007
Filed Under Anxiety, bat-ass crazy, holiday fun, kids, parenting, suburban joys | 5 Comments
Today it’s dawned sunny and crisp. A perfect Halloween. I can remember years when I had to wear gloves and mittens and a winter parka over my costume while trick-or-treating. Let’s just say that the outer layers really ruined the overall dramatic effect of my mouse-with-mushroom-on-head costume. I’m glad my kids will only have to sport a long sleeved shirt beneath their ensembles tonight. One never knows what mother nature will serve up, especially in New England.
Now I’m off to shower and blow dry and carefully apply foundation and cheek shimmer and lipstick. I will conjure up my own special effect – something along the lines of ‘Desperate Housewife Not Afraid to Flirt with Son’s Adorable Teacher’ while conducting the third-grade Halloween party. I considered wearing a French Maid costume (thought that’d grab his attention) but abandoned the idea when writing yesterday’s post and cozying up to my residual costume phobia. Plus, my friend and fellow room mother talked me out of it. She thought it would be wrong for me to be the only one wearing fish nets and sporting cleavage in a classroom full of nine year olds. She’s had her rain on my parade. I’m wearing a turtleneck and corduroys.
I will need to apply some serious concealer to hide the tell-tale circles of fatigue beneath my eyes. I’ve been up all night worrying about what Mr. S will think of the activities I’ve got planned for the kids. He’s a guy after all. Other women totally get the need for the candy-cyclops craft project and the mummy wrapping contest and the spider web cookies and the pumpkin relay. But to a thirty-three year old man, well, my creativity and earnestness might amuse him. He may find my well-planned party to be overwrought and uptight and there’s nothing less sexy than someone trying too hard. And so I tossed and turned and imagined the little smirk that will play about his well-shaped lips as I shepherd children from one organized center to another.
And then, having completely sunk into despair and self-doubt sometime around 3 a.m., I began to fret about the kids. I began to wonder if I have completely misjudged the age group. Will all these eight and nine year olds be jaded and sarcastic and completely disparaging of my attempts to amuse them with Halloween themed activities? I can see it now. They’ll all be huffing and puffing and asking, “Do we have to,” while remarking to one another, “This is stupid.” And eventually I will throw up my hands and start scarfing down donut holes while spiteful third graders run free free, throwing gum drops and candy corn at one another. By sun up this morning, I had decided that we should really just have a food fight in Room 137 this afternoon.
With a little luck and a lot of effort, I will get through the afternoon without making a total asshole of myself. And then, on to tonight when I will consume truck loads of chocolate and sleep peacefully while dreaming of a kinder more appreciative Mr. S.
Happy Halloween everyone!
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