Masquerade
Posted on October 30, 2007
Filed Under kids, parenting, suburban joys, dogs, holiday fun, Anxiety |
Yesterday, when wandering the cramped aisles of our local costume store, I decided that I must be a big fat loser. We arrived at Joker’s Wild to gather a few last minute items. We needed a furry pelt or some other suitable body wear for the monster O is planning to be and some green face paint for G’s transformation into the Statue of Liberty. I expected excited children looking for Indian head dresses and fairy wings. It never occurred to me that the shop would be mobbed with actual adult people selecting costumes for grown-up sponsored Halloween parties.
There was wiggle room only as otherwise normal looking individuals sorted through a variety of ensembles including a toilet seat complete with realistic looking dribble of crap and a plush body suit made to look like a naked Dom Deloise. Not that I envy these folks their selection. I mean really - toilet seats, Dom Deloise? But all this adult excitement concerning a holiday I thought exclusively the domain of children got me thinking, I have never, ever been to a costume party where other adults show up in masks and wigs and face paint.
Where are all these people going on Wednesday night that requires their purchasing a $200 costume and why, oh why haven’t I ever been asked to such an event so that I can politely decline, citing mortifying flashbacks from my Kindergarten year when I was ruthlessly laughed out of the second grade quad by children whose mother’s had created home-made costumes in the likeness of the Fry Guys and a bag of M&M’s and Wonder Woman and a Ladybug while there I was, wearing my regular everyday clothes and a mouse-with-a-mushroom-hat-mask. I’m not sure what the hell my mother was thinking besides, “Oh this looks easy and doesn’t require sewing and, great, it’s on sale, a fungi wearing rodent it is.” To this day, I loathe the act of masquerading. But still, it would be nice to have invitations to decline.
Instead, I will have to project my anxiety onto my own children who will gleefully don their costumes and face the wrathful judgment of their peers. It’s tough stuff - this Halloween thing. And I try to make up for my lack of creativity in the costume department by creating holiday memories of another variety. Like my sister-in-law who is so good at leading holiday themed craft projects and always, always baking the perfect festive dessert for her family on the special day, I decided I, too, would create a memorable Halloween confection that we could all enjoy and take photographs with as proof that I am not a total parental failure. And, after three hours of sweaty effort, my Halloween cake actually looked like the one in the magazine, all orangey frosting and dripping chocolate ganache. When I excused myself to go wash the chocolate off my jeans, the dog promptly dragged the whole thing off the counter.
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9 Responses to “Masquerade”
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You are officially invited to the Halloween event I am organizing for my graduate program. It involves meeting at the campus pub at 8 pm for drinks followed by a walk up the street to the gaybourhood to check out their festivities. I, myself, am unlikely to be in attendance because I’m not imaginative enough to come up with a thoughtful or funny costume and I’m also not motivated enough to spend any Wednesday night drinking with practically-fresh-out-of-undergrad twenty-somethings. So you may officially decline this invitation
Are you serious? The whole cake? Is it salvageable?
Well no wonder Halloween traumatizes you. First the Kindergarten nightmare, then the dog does his bit.
I’d invite you to my Halloween party, except it doesn’t exist. I’ve never been invited to one either. Maybe we could commiserate over a pumpkin beer?
Moshizzle, well thanks for the invite. Now I’ve got to have something to wear to the gaybourhood. Do you think the grad folks would get a kick out of toilet seat or am I better off going as a sweaty, fat comedian?
Slouchy, Yes, the whole cake, mangled and half eaten and beyond repair!
edj, I’d love that pumpkin beer except we’ll have to select a gluten-free variety. My constitution is delicate.
It wasn’t meant to be…
Of course, anything you do the second time ’round should be much easier.
I haven’t been invited to one of those parties either.
We had a similar food problem last Friday. We made home made candy corn the other day to be festive. I thought I had pushed the candy far enough back so that the dog couldn’t get it (like she had done with pizza, chicken, broccoli, just about everything, really. The dog had her nose up on the counter when I came back to the room but no candy corn was fouled by her big wet nose. We have a german shepherd and I think she believes the counters will built just for her head to rest on them. Drives me crazy.
PS - Yeah Team!
Arwen, I know, yeah team is right. We wanted to go to the parade today but I have a crowd phobia that prevents my attending anything truly celebratory. (Until I started blogging I didn’t realize how much of a head case I really am…costumes, crowds, cleanliness, seat belts.) Glad your candy corn was unscathed. Who knew that a person could make their own candy corn?
See, when I was in school, it was the plastic costumes I really envied. My mother kept coming up with lame home-made costumes when what I really wanted was a store-bought Snow White costume with a plastic face-mask.
Well, somebody else is going as the cell phone that he dropped in his toilet so two toilet seats might be confusing. You could definitely be the sweaty, fat comedian tho. In fact, I would love to see that! I was going to be global warming but I think I’ll stay home and eat candy instead.