Manny-o-matic and the E-bay auction
Posted on October 23, 2007
Filed Under marriage, kids, parenting, snark, milestones, holiday fun, red sox, G's marriage to Manny |
Okay, one more day of Manny because I didn’t get to comment on the E-bay thing and, also, Charles Pierce of Slate published a great piece yesterday on Manny that I just have to share. If you don’t have time to read the whole thing, this little tidbit should suffice:
“It came at the end of a lengthy chat with the media, a rare enough occurrence over the past two seasons in which Ramirez has frozen them out. Already he had said that he would trade all his records for a chance at another World Series, which is exactly the right kind of thing to say to people who judge your dedication by the kind of dumbshow you perform in front of the camera. Then, he said that, if Boston were to lose the ALCS, it wouldn’t be the end of the world. Which is exactly the wrong thing to say to those same people. He stood accused, on the front pages of America’s finer tabloid newspapers, and all across the sporting airwaves, in between commercials for auto glass and male-enhancement nostrums, of insufficient grit, of Non-Moxie in the third degree, of Conspiracy To Convince America’s Fans To Lighten the Hell Up. Guilty on all counts.”
I think his exact response to the reporter who asked how he would feel if they didn’t manage to pull off the win on Sunday night was, “So freakin’ what?”
I ponder these words, probably uttered with a mouth full of chew a little dribble of drool on the chin, and wonder how I, his future mother-in-law, would handle this apathy about, say, the little name place cards I like to decorate with something seasonal, like acorns, above everybody’s carefully calligraphied name at the Thanksgiving table. If he isn’t impressed by the possibility of winning the pennant, or, can’t be bothered to show up for the World Series victory party in D.C. after being named MVP of the whole damn thing (as happened in ‘04) then I’m not sure I can impress him with my Pumpkin Chiffon pie even though it is excessively light and dreamy. In fact, I’d hazard a guess that he’s probably a no-show for Turkey day, which will ultimately upset G very much as she is very fond of the little china turkeys that appear at everyone’s place setting on Thanksgiving and Thanksgiving only. She'’ll want to share that with him, I know.
Though I expect Manny and I will have difficulties pertaining to his bah-humbug approach to victories and celebrations, I have this feeling that Manny and his future Father-in-Law, My Better Half, will get along just swell. And I know this because they both are foolishly fond of all things E-bay. For instance, early last Spring, Manny listed his $4000 Jenn-Air Barbecue grill on the on-line trade site and his picture appeared right there with the shiny, 6 burner device. A sort of E-Bay feeding frenzy began and, eventually, E-bay pulled the plug on the auction when bids topped out at $100 million. His comments when asked why he would need to sell anything on E-bay, “I needed the money.”
If I wanted to be a really nice future MIL, I could offer to house the unwanted Jenn-Air for Manny. I have a spot right here in my basement just next to the Bunn industrial strength coffee maker that MBH just had to have even though I warned him that it would never, ever be allowed to sit on MY honed granite counter. (It arrived in a box the size of a cabinet depth refrigerator and, thankfully, didn’t even fit beneath the cabinets. And, as you’ve already guessed, MBH hasn’t quite gotten around to posting the behemoth back on E-Bay as he promised he would, after admitting that the purchase was a fiasco.)
Oh wait, I have an even better idea. Perhaps Manny is feeling expansive and benevolent after Sunday’s win and would agree to appear in our E-bay add, right next to the Bunn-o-matic. ‘Manny being Manny while fixing a cup of joe’. And if Manny helps me fetch $100 million for MBH’s percolator, I will consider G’s future betrothal idea. Like a reverse dowry, he’s gonna have to earn it.
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