Don’t Smile Until October, Act II
Posted on September 24, 2007
Filed Under education, kids, milestones, parenting, suburban joys | 10 Comments
While I’d like to report that Mrs. C and I had a knock down, drag out, fist-fight worthy of all the angst that my G’s been feeling (wouldn’t that make for an excellent blog posting? the headline would read, CCE Slays the Dragon Lady with Poison Darts After Only Ten Days of School!) alas, Mrs. C was professional and prepared and studiously took notes during our meeting while wearing her most concerned expression. She had actually done research, having met with G’s Kindergarten teacher promptly after I scheduled the conference. She’s a wily one and came to the table with knowledge about my daughter and insight into the problems at hand with a strategic outline as to how they should be handled.
I was so blown away and disarmed by her level of preparedness that I forgot to wonder how the hell she knew in advance what I was going to complain about. Her odd and exacting foresight didn’t strike me until after I had left the room. Coincidence or supernatural powers stemming from Wicca spells or extensive knowledge of the occult? Your guess is as good as mine.
Witch or no witch, it would appear that this woman is a professional. No stranger to high maintenance parents. I suspect this wasn’t the first time a family has complained about her unyielding nature.
According to Mrs. C, “First grade is a time of great transition. Children are expected to be responsible for the belongings and their actions. For many children this takes some getting used to.” She delivered this wisdom with solemn gravitas. She is woman not used to contradiction.
She mentioned that the school has an Adjustment Counselor on staff…”Uhmmm, let me stop you there, Mrs. C. Are you calling my G maladjusted? Because I could go on and on about just how well-adjusted my daughter is when allowed to urinate and scratch as needed. Adjustment Counselor Madhustment Scrounselor. Absolutely no way. How ’bout being a friend to these kids, Mrs. C? How ’bout making the children who spend seven hours a day, five days a week in your classroom, feel taken care of and loved? How ’bout looking out for their overall best interests, emotional as well as educational? Because, really, first grade may be about responsibility and transitions but its also about childhood. Children respond to positive energy. Children are happy when encouraged by enthusiasm. It’s the carrot versus the stick. IT’S FIRST GRADE!!!!!”
I, too, am a woman not used to contradiction.
So, having voiced our opinions on first graders, we now agree that while their is a need for responsibility and compliance, an appropriate amount of affection and kind words are similarly crucial to a successful school year. And we’ve come up with a solution. We are going to be a team. Me and Mrs. C together, against the world. We will appear a united front. Hoping to convince G that if I think Mrs. C is okay then Mrs. C must not be all that bad. In return for my sponsorship, Mrs. C has agreed to dole out daily pats on the back and glimmers of encouragement while looking the other way when a child does not perform Criss Cross Applesauce to the best of her ability, every single time. There will also be frequent but designated times to scratch an itch, blow a nose and urinate.
On Friday afternoon, G came home enthused and relieved and gave her day a thumbs up. And I thought, “Wow, Mrs. C has executed the plan perfectly.” Careful to do my part, I said, “See, Mrs. C isn’t so bad. Is she?” And G replied. “I spent the day with the school nurse. I had a stomach ache,” flashing me a smile, as if to say, how ’bout that for a strategy?
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