spring is a time for discovery

Posted on March 28, 2007
Filed Under snark, suburban joys | 14 Comments

Spring is a time for new beginnings, rebirth, unbridled enthusiasms and discovery.
I will share a few things I have discovered this second week of Spring. apple blossoms.jpg

1. Vacuuming the dog is a superior way to remove unwanted hair and accumulations of dirt and road salt. She enjoys this and My Better Half finally has the proof that I am, indeed, crazy.

2. The term Paddy Wagon is no longer used in reference to the police van. Thank you Sergeant Pathiakis for clearing that up last Friday while the girl scouts were visiting the town Safety Center. Sorry Patty Sullivan and Mary MacDonald and Meghan McDonough, all mothers standing by while I made my unintentional racial slur. I will be calling it the Prisoner Transport Vehicle from now on.

3. The seven pounds spilling up and over the waistline of my jeans after a long winter of peanut butter Cup and ice cream indulgence is called my “muffin top”. Thanks Dixie for filling me in on the lingo. Here I was thinking I had a spare tire. Muffin top is so apropos, so illustrative. I may never wear jeans again.

4. I am not quite the calm-assertive pack leader that The Dog Whisperer wants me to be. I’ve got assertive down to a science but the calm thing may require pharmaceuticals.
I would not be surprised if a Humane Society representative decided to pay me a visit after this morning’s jog. Apparently Tallulah thinks the ‘heel’ command requires a nose and at least two legs out in front. I believe we were racing for pole position much of the way. Kind of like the classic competition: War Admiral versus Seabiscuit. “And now Tallualh has the lead, but cce is approaching on the right flank. Will she take it by a nose, folks?” The answer is, Yes, after hauling back on the leash several thousand times and then slapping her nose with the my hand when it crept past my thigh. Doesn’t that sound like I’m commanding the situation like a good pack leader should?

5. Age means injury. The lateral epicondylitis (tennis elbow) that has developed since shoveling the walkway last weekend is a bad, bad sign. This could mean that my defeating Sissy Bankhead for the country club tennis trophy this summer is less than certain. You don’t know how badly I’ve wantedd to wipe the court with her smug, All American arse since last summer’s routing. She with the perfect slice serve, that cute little drop shot volley; she was mine, until this.