a silly putty injunction
Posted on March 21, 2007
Filed Under Judd Nelson from The Breakfast Club, kids, parenting, snark, suburban joys | 8 Comments
So we know that O’s been passed over as the valedictorian of 2nd grade, that’s the bad news. But the good news is, he is not yet riding the short bus. In fact, he knows a ridiculous amount about the normally sized, quite new bus that he does ride…manufacturer, gas mileage, average speed that Carl the bus driver reaches on Ballardvale Road. Anyway, I’m still stewing about the enrichment program but I haven’t filed papers yet. I think a quiet conversation with his teacher’s voice mail threatening a law suit is the first and wisest step, don’t you?
Now on to child number two…since the Kindergarten doesn’t have enrichment, I have a year to panic about this. Believe me, we’re getting some flashcards and drilling those “sight words” because I am not filing two law suits against the same school in two short years. Too expensive, too exhausting. G doesn’t know it yet, but she’s this family’s last great hope for academic excellence. There’s just one thing I’m worried about and it’s this picture…
Does the fact that my child stuffed her ears with Silly Putty before falling asleep indicate brilliance (a rather creative solution to the problem that was frightening monster noises in her closet), or lack of foresight (hair entanglement, pillow staining, large chunk of hair chopped off to remove orange rat’s nest)? I think I should destroy this incriminating photo so that it may not be used against her during the future trial. I’ll be damned if she’s not going to be the valedictorian of the 1st grade, Silly Putty or no Silly Putty. And there will be an immediate injunction against all sticky manipulative substances in my house, including, but not limited to, Play Doh, Modeling Magic and clay. Any breach of this injunction will be considered a serious criminal offense that merits an hour in the dark, scary coat closet and a limit on dessert intake for several long, joyless days. I’m not interested in molding artistic children, I’m only concerned with academic performance. So the fun’s officially stopped and it’s work books and word families from here on out.
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