separate bedrooms or separate houses?
Posted on March 14, 2007
Filed Under marriage, kids, parenting |
The NYT just can’t leave our sleep habits well enough alone, trotting out the reluctant co-sleeping epidemic and, now, highlighting the growing phenomenon called separate bedrooms. And I’m not talking separate from the kids but, rather, separate from our spouses.
I can’t say the thought hasn’t crossed my mind when My Better Half comes to bed a good two hours after I’ve thrown in the towel. Inevitably I am woken and can’t go back to sleep, left listening to him snore and rattle and pass REM gas. There is also the relative body heat of one sleeper versus another. I am always cold and My Better Half warm. A tousle for blanket positioning, (I believe all blankets should be tucked under my chin and he believes they should be balled up at the foot of the bed) ensues.
And then, after I’ve won blanket bingo and tuned out his bodily functions by taking an Ambien, I might manage to get back to sleep for a few choice winks before there is a wandering child to remind me that if I thought I was going to get a good night sleep, I am sadly mistaken. As I’ve said before, it is not abnormal for the Madmarriage family to find themselves in the same bed by night’s end.
So who are these people that build houses with separate Master Bedrooms and select floral sheets for her room and masculine taupe one’s for his? That sounds exhausting and decadent. I consider myself lucky to have slept a few hours without someone’s big toe up my nose. I suppose I could dream of creating my own haven in one of the two extra rooms we have upstairs. Currently there is a proper guest room and one catch-all room with no furniture and stacks and stacks of bills and books and an easel. But wouldn’t they find me, the children I mean? I’m not sure My Better Half would notice the arrangement.
I think, practically speaking, I should work on getting another bathroom installed. Forget about the sleep thing, I’d like to shower without someone brushing their teeth or flushing the toilet so that all the cool water is sucked down the main stack and I’m developing second degree burns while the toilet tank fills.
If I was really interested in getting a good night’s sleep and enduring marital harmony, I think separate house might be in order, separate rooms just doesn’t seem drastic enough. I actually know at least two married couples who maintain separate houses, post-union. Yes, they sleep in the same house and the same room occasionally but they were once two independent people with their own mortgages and their own jobs and their own garden to tend. Because they married later in life, they feel more comfortable maintaining separate homes so that one or the other may withdraw and snore and fart and make an ungodly mess in the kitchen without any ramifications. So I would consider this option; saves the need for an extra bathroom. I’m now laughing with a sinister tone and imagining my children wandering around at night and only finding their father to attend to their middle-of-the night needs. Now that sounds like a solution.
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15 Responses to “separate bedrooms or separate houses?”
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I recognize you from the painting, but Better-Half has lighter-fur, no?
Does the living room couch count as an extra-bedroom?
Yes, Better-Half is a few shades lighter, that’s my other bedtime friend, the one that prefers to leer at me hungrily all night rather than make bad smells and steal the covers.
Oh, and I don’t know what that horse is doing in the room but I can guess!
Ah yes. From the looks of it your incubus doesn’t seem to be getting any action either.
Don’t get too excited over the horse. That’s merely a corruption of the Old-norse word “mara” (also mahr, mahrt, mårt, etc.,) Like the incubus, the mara was a demon that sat on sleepers’ chests, causing them to have bad dreams, i.e., night-mares. Link.
hey, sorry i’ve been too busy at my paying job this week and haven’t had time to check in. this idea, that is to live separately for whatever part of the day is called for, is something me and several friends have joked (maybe dreamed is a better word) about for some time. why not? why not let those who (here comes the stereotype) multi-task and put all others’ needs before their own live together in one house and those who do other things live next door? there’s something to be said for that, no? i’d say we’d meet up with our partners for sex but…well….
anyway, couldn’t this arrangement lead to stronger relationships (with less frustration, resentment, name calling, etc.)? you know, i wouldn’t have to track his every move in the house, as evidenced by a trail of piles of dirt/clothes/dishes/paper/electronics, nor ask him to clean that all up. thus, i am no longer a bitchy nag and he is no longer a pain in the ass! now we can go have wild sex with no hang ups! ahh, wild sex with no hang ups….
Actually, there’s nothing wrong with sex and hang-ups… (Samantha tried it on Sex in the City).
esl
In the short time you knew your spousebefore marriage, is it fair to say he seldom left trails of dirt / clothes / dishes / paper / electronics? That is, have the trails of dirt / clothes / dishes / paper / electronics grown, or has your tolerance diminished?
do i know you, anymouse?
Dunno. Do I look familiar?
I’m with esl. Supervised visits with spouses sounds great. And yes, the trails of dirt/clothes/dishes/paper and electronics have gotten more difficult to navigate. Probably b/c their are two children living with us, also leaving similar trails. I need a wife!
cce:
Why do you want “supervised visits?” To ensure things don’t get randy?
one of these days you should take a trip here.
you’d be amazed at our similarities (well except for the fact that you clean your house with a vengeance)
now about “supervised visits” that has somewhat of a voyeuristic ring to it.
don’t get me wrong, in the event of seperate houses…i’m all for the booty call on an as needed basis.
Supervised visits would only be necessary until both parties were in a neutral state, that is to say, no longer openly hostile. At this point, booty calls would be encouraged and should probably be unsupervised. Or not?
hmnnn. Supervised or not? Tough call. Is this before or after the “rejuvination?”