things I miss after 9 years’ of marriage and 2 kids
Posted on February 23, 2007
Filed Under marriage |
Cleavage (Yes, I breast fed but only to avoid the disdain of the other mothers at playgroup. It’s done nothing for my figure. Don’t knock cosmetic surgery. I’m considering it, if only to reposition these things. They have settled so to speak.)
A working colon (This is a story for another day but a good one)
Sex (During my annual check-ups, my Ob/Gyn regularly asks, “So what do you do about birth control?” She still laughs when I say, “Abstinence.” One of these days she’s going to understand there is very little humor in this. We’ve still got five condoms out of a package of twenty we bought in ’05.)
Indulgent hangovers (It’s just not worth it anymore. More than two glasses of wine and I’m Mommy-On-The-War-Path the next day. This is a term coined by my seven year old.)
Cash (There’s just none of it around these days. And thus the blog, read it, love it, loathe it, whatever, but please pass it on. I need hit activity and some ad revenue.)
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5 Responses to “things I miss after 9 years’ of marriage and 2 kids”
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CCE:
I’m sorry your breasts are no longer up to snuff. However by associating diminished breasts with the act of breastfeeding you mistake correlation for causation.
While there is a plethora of anecdotal evidence relating to breastfeeding and breast size, virtually no one bothers to consider the scientific validity of such evidence.
Probably the best study I have found is out of Italy. Four hundred and ninety-six Italian women were interviewed. Among women who breastfed, 75% reported changes in the size and shape of their breasts. CRITICALLY, 69% of women who DID NOT BREASTFEED reported changes in the size and shape of their breasts.
The conclusion by the Dipartimento di Pediatria, Universita Federico II, Napoli, Italy, was that the size and the shape of women’s breasts changed after childbirth, but these changes were unreleated to breastfeeding.
In other words, tits sag because women have children, not because women choose to breastfeed. Women who want perky breasts can’t avoid post-partum deflation by bottle-feeding. Your saggy sacks are the result of your spawn, not the result of breastfeeding.
Breastfeeding and perceived changes in the appearance of the breasts: a retrospective study. At:
http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/entrez/query.fcgi?cmd=Retrieve&db=PubMed&list_uids=15499956&dopt=Abstract
Thanks for the edification, Sara. Wow, a resident breast expert looking in to madmarriage! I feel blessed and somehow less despondent about my lackluster rack.
No,no, don’t let me stop your despondency, dear. A wilted rose, by any name, is still a wilted rose. I’m just trying to help you place blame where it properly lies.
A word to the wise… check the expiration date on that box of condoms….I would hate for them to “go bad” when you need them most. Thanks for letting me know about your blog today. It just proves to me what I already knew, you are smart and witty and I am lucky to know you.
Let me second KK. If hubby pulls out a box of 13 year-old condoms that disintegrate from mere deployment… you’ll sooner hear that fact from your obstetrician than from hubby.